True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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