btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
