i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
