Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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