So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
