im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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