We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
