i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
