when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just gargled with NyQuil
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
