I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
