I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
