So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
