Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
