I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
