I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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