Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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