I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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