i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
