Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
