it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize