census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
