I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
