So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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