Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
