he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
