I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This baby is an asshole
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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