i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
