Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
