Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
