my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
