She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
