My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up under a house in Key West
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
