How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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