How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life