The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hippo gnu deer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
