Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.