fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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