your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
