did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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