How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
