Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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