just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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