yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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