His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
