she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just google imaged poop.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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