Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
