I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
