I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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