Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
