my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
