About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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