$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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