tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
