Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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