3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
