I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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