Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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