someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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