dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
