my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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