I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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