i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
