Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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