im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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