never play flip cup with pint glasses
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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