I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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