i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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