this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He better not be in your backpack
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
