Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
