I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
