Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am naked and annoyed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
