Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
