After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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