i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
