so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
