dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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