so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't deserve a penis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
