Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
