i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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