he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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