Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
