sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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