So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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