The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
