just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
